Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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