I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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