Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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