I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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