glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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