peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
