If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
