He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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