even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize