You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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