It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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