Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
