Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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