My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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