Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mom said you looked used
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
