were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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