but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
