Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
