so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
