I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
