Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
