theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
