Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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