I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
