This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
