Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
