Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
