I just threw up on my dentist
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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