I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
