So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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