you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm having to shit out rocks
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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