so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
