nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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