Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
