Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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