I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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