Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
