I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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