I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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