I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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