i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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