I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
