my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
