I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
