Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
