the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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