tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
