im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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