i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
