anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
