her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize