found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
