All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
