his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
