my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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