I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
