she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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