So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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