i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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