Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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