I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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