I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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