Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
