If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
