i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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