bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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