i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
