So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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