he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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