did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
