I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
